I just realised arvin has been updatin his blog since like a few weeks ago..........cos i sort of gave up checkin after he left his blog hanging for, what 6 months....? But surprisingly most of his entries have been slightly on the emo side lol......... (i noe i shudn't be doing the "lol" thingy since ppl's entries were emo but its so hard to imagine him being emo in the 1st place)
I guess it's just like what he says.........it's hard being the big bro.........cos u have to be there for others whenever they need help but it's so hard to have someone to be there with you when u're the one dat needs sum cheering up..........dunno y but all of a sudden i realise most of the ppl around me have been rather emo..........and sum of them are kind alike me in the way they cover up their "emoness" when they're in front of u but when they're back in their rooms (or houses, depending on who they are...) they get emo again........and i only know dat cos most of the time they tend to express their "emoness" int heir blogs.......so it's like 1 hour ago u just met em and everyone was joking around and the next moment u're blog hopping and u come across their entry for the day and it's all emo and emoness.......
And me...........? I'm the guy who's being emo (onli when there's nobody around to see) when there doesn't seem to be anything for me to be emo about........lol there's actually another name for it and it's called pathetic........seeing how others are doing all dat they can to finish off their assignements and projects and mug their brains off for their mid terms (meimei is one of em cos i just read her blog too), i kinda feel dat i'm really being pathetic............cos i just can't seem to get myself to study! And to think dat just 2 years ago mugging was my life! I practically viewed every single test and exam as a life-threatening issue! I would have mugged till all my brain juices came oozing out of my nostrils and eyes and anus before i went to sleep for a test that's going on the next day (and i would have started like 1 week ago....) but now, now i'm practically in a heck-care mood even when i noe my test is tmr.......... And i wouldn't feel much after the test too.........it's like just being numb.............but that's not the gist of it........the main point is i continue to do that despite being fully aware that i am in serious fucking deep shit risk of losing my scholarship and thus my uni education in spore if i dun get at least 3.5 for my CAP this semester.............and to lose everything i have worked so hard for the past few years (though i've partially realised that i haven really been working towards sth i've come to enjoy.......but that's probably a mistake many of us have/would make, so i'm not feeling so bad about it...)
I have my last mid term test this monday...........and it's a module for which i have never been to a single lecture or tutorial since the start of the semester...........i know my reasons for not attending even a single shit of it is probably just another shit load of excuses which wouldn't even stand against the ridicule of a 3 year old boy, but then again i probably don't even know what made me choose to not go in the 1st place............to prove that i can do everything on my own...? Or simply to further reaffirm that self-discipline is non-existent in my life...........probably because i know that my tuition fees are covered by someone else.........and so even if i miss lessons that i've paid for, i'm not essentially the one who's paying it, so i have the luxury of choosing not to go............well things probably would be totally different when they day comes for my scholarship to be revoked..............
I have 11 chapters...........i've just gone thru the 4th...........6 tutorials and i'm only done with the 1st...........and i can't do shit cos all the answers seem to be eluding me.............i dunno what's going on..............and all of a sudden i realise i really dun have that many frens cos i dun even noe who i shud approach to talk about things..............
Or maybe i just dun wan to talk...........
Je ne sais pas..........Je ne sais pas ce qui est le probleme..........Je sais seulement que les choses ne vont pas bien, et il me fait malheureux..... J'espere qu'il y a une solution, mais je suppose que je dois le trover moi-meme........Je ne veux pas de choses a empirer, mais...........
I guess it's just like what he says.........it's hard being the big bro.........cos u have to be there for others whenever they need help but it's so hard to have someone to be there with you when u're the one dat needs sum cheering up..........dunno y but all of a sudden i realise most of the ppl around me have been rather emo..........and sum of them are kind alike me in the way they cover up their "emoness" when they're in front of u but when they're back in their rooms (or houses, depending on who they are...) they get emo again........and i only know dat cos most of the time they tend to express their "emoness" int heir blogs.......so it's like 1 hour ago u just met em and everyone was joking around and the next moment u're blog hopping and u come across their entry for the day and it's all emo and emoness.......
And me...........? I'm the guy who's being emo (onli when there's nobody around to see) when there doesn't seem to be anything for me to be emo about........lol there's actually another name for it and it's called pathetic........seeing how others are doing all dat they can to finish off their assignements and projects and mug their brains off for their mid terms (meimei is one of em cos i just read her blog too), i kinda feel dat i'm really being pathetic............cos i just can't seem to get myself to study! And to think dat just 2 years ago mugging was my life! I practically viewed every single test and exam as a life-threatening issue! I would have mugged till all my brain juices came oozing out of my nostrils and eyes and anus before i went to sleep for a test that's going on the next day (and i would have started like 1 week ago....) but now, now i'm practically in a heck-care mood even when i noe my test is tmr.......... And i wouldn't feel much after the test too.........it's like just being numb.............but that's not the gist of it........the main point is i continue to do that despite being fully aware that i am in serious fucking deep shit risk of losing my scholarship and thus my uni education in spore if i dun get at least 3.5 for my CAP this semester.............and to lose everything i have worked so hard for the past few years (though i've partially realised that i haven really been working towards sth i've come to enjoy.......but that's probably a mistake many of us have/would make, so i'm not feeling so bad about it...)
I have my last mid term test this monday...........and it's a module for which i have never been to a single lecture or tutorial since the start of the semester...........i know my reasons for not attending even a single shit of it is probably just another shit load of excuses which wouldn't even stand against the ridicule of a 3 year old boy, but then again i probably don't even know what made me choose to not go in the 1st place............to prove that i can do everything on my own...? Or simply to further reaffirm that self-discipline is non-existent in my life...........probably because i know that my tuition fees are covered by someone else.........and so even if i miss lessons that i've paid for, i'm not essentially the one who's paying it, so i have the luxury of choosing not to go............well things probably would be totally different when they day comes for my scholarship to be revoked..............
I have 11 chapters...........i've just gone thru the 4th...........6 tutorials and i'm only done with the 1st...........and i can't do shit cos all the answers seem to be eluding me.............i dunno what's going on..............and all of a sudden i realise i really dun have that many frens cos i dun even noe who i shud approach to talk about things..............
Or maybe i just dun wan to talk...........
Je ne sais pas..........Je ne sais pas ce qui est le probleme..........Je sais seulement que les choses ne vont pas bien, et il me fait malheureux..... J'espere qu'il y a une solution, mais je suppose que je dois le trover moi-meme........Je ne veux pas de choses a empirer, mais...........