I am amazed by myself. I am really really not bothered by my future. And I don't understand why. I am not bothered with my FYP. I lie to my professor about its progress. I haven sent out any other job application since the HDB interview. I only attend classes when I absolutely have to, and even then my presence isn't guaranteed. I only start looking into my projects when the deadline looms near.
And now that I'm part-timing, I have less time to be in the lab or type out my thesis. And then I realized I may need to do more part-time if I wanna have enough money for my grad trip, which is sorta confirmed already since they've already purchased the travel insurance on my behalf.
I have zero motivation to do anything in my life, because I do not sense that I will derive any satisfaction from the things I am obliged to do right now. No satisfaction from completing my FYP. No satisfaction from graduating. No satisfaction from attending classes. No satisfaction from completing my assignments and projects. No fucking satisfaction of whatsoever.
In a world where your sole existence is not for yourself, but for another you, and all you need to do is draw and imagine and day-dream, how bad is it really?
I am not kidding when I say I can day-dream my life away.
On a side note, watch You Are Not Alone if you have the time. It's an old Danish movie, and the acting is amateurish (they're all kids waddya expect). But I think it portrays the best puppy love story in movies so far, albeit as a gay relationship. You can download it from piratebay and it comes with English titles. You'll be surprised at how non-disturbing the movie is even though it's on a topic that isn't everyone's cup of tea.
I'm supposed to type my thesis. Supposed. But apparently my 不care attitude is running rampant right now. So fuck it.
Sufjan Stevens ~ Casimir Pulaski Day