I've been slacking all week long yayyyyyyyyy.........
One last paper to go. Not really in the mood to mug for it, but then I have to cos once again I dun think I did very well for the CA lol... And then it's time to start preparing the slides for my OP. And then there's the packing as well since it's gonna be my last week in TH soon. Sigh can't believe I'm really gonna move out for good so soon.
It's kinda surreal, considering that I've practically made this place my home for the past four years. Four years. That's really really long. Though I've switched rooms every new academic year, the place has been so familiar, it's really like my home in Singapore. The people, especially. The kinda lifestyle you get in a hall. Where I see my friends the moment I open my door, where we can holler and head down for dinner or supper together. Where we can hang out in each other's room for a movie or some plain old nonsensical chit chat. Where most of our memorable experiences occurred in an impromptu manner. A night of moon viewing on the rooftop of Block B. Home-made steamboat dinner in the kitchen. Steak and Rum supper in the lounge. Clubbing at Butter Fac. Etc etc.
Everything's gonna change.
I hate changes.
One last paper to go. Not really in the mood to mug for it, but then I have to cos once again I dun think I did very well for the CA lol... And then it's time to start preparing the slides for my OP. And then there's the packing as well since it's gonna be my last week in TH soon. Sigh can't believe I'm really gonna move out for good so soon.
It's kinda surreal, considering that I've practically made this place my home for the past four years. Four years. That's really really long. Though I've switched rooms every new academic year, the place has been so familiar, it's really like my home in Singapore. The people, especially. The kinda lifestyle you get in a hall. Where I see my friends the moment I open my door, where we can holler and head down for dinner or supper together. Where we can hang out in each other's room for a movie or some plain old nonsensical chit chat. Where most of our memorable experiences occurred in an impromptu manner. A night of moon viewing on the rooftop of Block B. Home-made steamboat dinner in the kitchen. Steak and Rum supper in the lounge. Clubbing at Butter Fac. Etc etc.
Everything's gonna change.
I hate changes.
好久没留意华语流行乐坛的最新歌曲和动态了。。赫然发现，其实这几个月来，也有好多非常好听的歌曲。想在这里分享。到时候，也可以到卡拉OK高歌几曲哈哈。。
久违的林凡，不负我对她自“一个人生活”的期望，终于归来了，而且还曲曲动人。真的，好崇拜哦。。。“重伤”这首歌，是我觉得，在她的新专辑里，最有味道的。不容易唱，也不一定符合大众的口味，但我自己听起来，却听到心坎里去了。真的，很有味道。
郁可唯，是新人。和林凡两人，唱了“犀利人妻”里尽全部的歌曲。但她迎刃有余，唱起来毫不费力。“指望”这一首歌，很好听。就这样。
从以前就很喜欢范范，但我不会不要脸的自屈是个忠实的范范歌迷。但是她的这一首歌，第一次听，是她在“康熙来了”与黑人手牵手，现场演唱，唱工一流。后来再听MV版，还是听得动人。很高兴他们两人终成眷属。
最后一首要介绍的，名字大家一定懂。华人乐坛永远的天后，张惠妹。并不觉得她上一张专辑，化身成为阿密特讨喜。但是这次，总算回到张惠妹的身份了，而听到的歌曲，也完全没有让我失望。而且还带有点惊喜。不觉得每个人都会喜欢，但我本身却完全身陷其中。
今晚，就有着一些个，把我带进我自己的世界吧。
I have a paper in six hours time. I only started to prepare for it today. And I had a mild fever a few hours ago after spending the entire day in the air-conditioned lounge, which prompted me to cut short my mugging session and return to my room for some much-needed panadol and rest.
I am worried for this paper, just like any other papers I have taken in NUS. But this one in particular, cos I've performed very badly for the CA. And that is entirely my fault. I skipped lessons, skipped a 10% solo presentation, hardly put in any effort for the group project etc... It's probably because tis is my last semester, and so many of us graduating seniors are telling ourselves that we just wanna pass (especially for those who have already secured a job offer). If it was any other semester, I might have still skipped classes, but I would most definitely have done my presentation, and did much better for the group project. But this isn't any other semester. It's my last. Which somehow just brings out the worst in me when in comes to being a student. I wonder why.
So here I am, trying to cram in all the readings in one night. It's a HR module, but the readings would have you thinking you're taking a psychology module instead. And they're so difficult to digest cos they're obviously not written for the layman.
Two essays out of three questions. I'm not worried about writing, But the questions they ask are really difficult to grasp (after looking at the past year papers). The lessons we had did nothing much to reinforce all the different HR concepts involved, and even if it did it wouldn't help me since I am hardly there.
This is just a rant anyway. I dun think I will fail, but I wasn't looking forward to seeing anymore Cs on my transcript. But that seems inevitable given how I've screwed up the 50% part of the CA.
I felt so empty when I woke up from my feverish slumber a while ago. It's like all of a sudden, I realize there's nothing that I'm working towards. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to give me a sense of accomplishment, given how little regard I have for my academic work nowadays. Plus I have constant pain with my body.
It's scary, having nothing to look forward to. No purpose in life. That sense of emptiness woke me up. And it's still lingering.
My current life scares me. A lot.
The things we write and do when we were young.......and naive.
So horny frog passed me a letter that I wrote donkey years ago (actually it was right after my A levels) when I was to join him in a MLM-like business thingy. I basically wrote down 8 reasons why I wanted to join the company, and I couldn't bear to read it when I first got it, cos one look at that lengthy 3-page essay and I knew for sure I must have written a whole lot of bs crap even though I couldn't (as much as I tried) rmb what I wrote or WHEN I wrote it...
Finally gave it a quick look-through, and it was just as I thought. My usual ramblings, though some appeared to be quite nobel aspirations-wise.
Plus that last page which the horny frog wrote as a letter to me.
Thanks ar bro. Made me feel like dying. The first time you had such influences with mere words. Haha.
I don't live in the past. Like, really. I don't try to rmb things that have passed me by. Good ones, bad ones. Nada. I don't really retain much of them. I live too much in the present, which can be bad at times, cos it distracts me from looking towards the future.
Change hates me, and I it. Lol.
In any case, I dunno why I'm typing this when I have a thesis draft to figure out (fuck this shit) and 3 oral presentations in a few hours' time. But still, I appreciate the gesture bro. I'll return the favor soon. I'll draw something nice for you :)
If my professor doesn't murder me tmr, that is....
He is my new-found idol. It's amazing to watch the way he works. There doesn't seem to be any hesitation. No mistakes. No regrets. Multiple strokes with the pencil and then it's off with acrylic ink and watercolour.
Amazing.
What's even more amazing is me throwing away 8 years of art learning and never really retaining much, or achieving much. I love it so much, but I've never really put in enough to bring me up a level or two.
Maybe that was because I lacked something like this to give me that punch in the stomach. I mean, my teachers were really really good back when I was learning art at that private academy. When they really sit down and create something, they were amazing. But the problem is, they never really did that enough. I almost never witnessed them at work, only aiding us with ours. And that's completely different, working on something you call your own as compared to helping someone else with theirs.
These videos, however, just blew me away.
And time is really running out. The luxury to just sit down and spend time chasing something you enjoy doing and getting progressively good at it is no longer going to be much of an option.
Never take time for granted. We do that so easily, it scares me sometimes. They're so insubstantial, practically non-existent in terms of the senses we possess. And their fleeting existence dictates our lives, whether you like it or not.
I like to research. And I like to draw. Combining both is my ultimate desire, and an ephemeral dream at the moment.
My iPod hangs like two of out of five times when I plug it into my laptop to charge and transfer songs. The screen just gets stuck at that same page and the lights wun go off, and iTunes can't detect it for syncing. And then I'll have to unplug it and leave it on my table until the batt runs dry before trying again.
It's very frustrating, cos whenever I plug my iPod into my laptop, it's really because I wanna transfer songs and listen to them IMMEDIATELY after that, usually right before I leave my room etc.
So nowadays I make sure my iPod is fully charged most of the time (I charge them with the iPhone plug using the conventional plug point) and I accumulate songs I wanna transfer and do em at one go, minimizing the need to plug it into the laptop.
It's 10.15pm. I was supposed to go to bed at 9pm, but wad the heck, 10.15 ain't that far off. Let's see if this "sleep-early-wake-up-early" routine works for me. FYI, it DID feel good to wake up at 6am tis morning and have breakfast in the comm hall. I hadn't done that in ages, and the morning sky was immensely beautiful. But most of all, it felt good.
Time to get a whole list of things done by the end of next week.
Get cranking you old piece of junk.
I like to think that I am not a busybody person. But then again I like to think that I am a lot of things, but I never am.
So.
I dun wanna know things people didn't intended me to know, whether consciously or unconsciously. I get easily jealous when I'm out of the loop, which I always find to be exceedingly childish and unbecoming of a friend, or a man, or a person. But I always end up doing it, feeling it, regretting it.
So.
I'll stick by my nature a little bit harder. I wun ask, I wun probe. Tell me if you wan to. Dun if you feel uncomfortable. I might be uncomfortable knowing that you told me sth just because you felt there was a "need" to, not because you wanted to.
I wanna be someone ppl can talk to comfortably, but then again I dun, cos I dun like to care.
So.
I'll be the outsider. The familiar stranger. That veil of comfortable awkwardness.
The friendly anomaly in your lives.
The one you'll always be close to, but never closest with.
I cry and cry, and cry again
and smiled and laughed, and died in vain
I know for sure, the things I want
They're out of reach, I hate the sun
I like the rain, I like the clouds
I like my room, I hate my doubts
I want to have, a lil more control
I never do, I dun have goals
Cos if I do, den I'm not doing
Anything, to get me there
Life's not grooving, it's a bitch
I hate myself, for repeating it
I like to ramble, I like to cry
I like to see, the day I die
The reactions around, what are they like
I'm nonsensical, I like to be
It's liberating, can't you see
~ but you weren't happy the day I let you go